I know that I just wrote a new post a few days ago, but I wanted to share what God is teaching me.
Through the struggles of being funded for this fall, I have thought about so many things. I have been at points of complete peace, trusting God will provide, and then at points of complete disbelief, wondering how it is all going to work out. I have teetered on the disbelief side more so than I think I would like to admit. But just because I don't believe, doesn't mean that God isn't faithful. He is in His very nature faithful--to be unfaithful would deny who He essentially is,
and He simply doesn't do that. Sometimes I fail to acknowledge that faithfulness.
It is definitely easier to see what I lack instead of what I have been blessed with.
But oh how sweet is the Lord to be patient with His children. He loves us. "He is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is long-suffering in order that none would perish, but ALL may come to repentance."
(2 Peter 3:9)
In my shameful moments of disbelief, a million things have run through my mind. "What if I don't get to go this fall?" "Maybe I will just wait a year, save all my money, and then be able to go." etc, etc, etc. Basically looking at my situation as impossible for the LIVING God and trying to make ends meet in my own power. But Praise God for His sweet correction. He reminds me of His promises. He shows me glimpses of His faithfulness, in small and big things. And that all leads to praise and glory of His name--which is the reason we are to live.
So now, I am in a season of thankfulness. Rejoicing in this suffering. I wrote this before, but it seems I still need to be reminded--That when we are in these intense seasons of suffering, however suffering may manifest itself in our lives, that God very literally gives us Himself. He gently says that we can't do it on our own. We have to trust Him. He grows us in these times. Why? Maybe I am going to need a solid faith foundation for all the Lord has in store for the future. Very likely is that he desires and deserves the praises of all people, and will do what it takes to get that.
I am thankful for this time. I am thankful that I can't look to my own ability to raise money to go volunteer as a midwife and share the gospel in the Philippines. I praise God for all those who already have met their goal and can sit with assurance that the money is there. But I even more praise God for His faithfulness in showing me that this call has NOTHING to do with me. I can't go on my own accord. He will provide, for His namesake. He will "Enlarge the place of my tent, stretch my tent curtains wide; lengthen my cords, strengthen my stakes." (Isaiah 54: 2) He will make me rely on Him for everything. And for that, I am so grateful. Just lets me know that this endeavor has God written all over it.
And in the end, I just want to be where He is.
"I am STILL confident of this: That I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."
and now I am to "Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Take heart. And wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:13-14)
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all the encouragement and prayers. I said it in my last post, but the prayers of God's people are being honored, and He is moving mightily. I ask you to continue praying for His Kingdom come and will to be done.
Love you guys!